Top Trumps: Handy guide to the Trump swamp

US president Donald Trump is assembling his cabinet members, administrators, advisers and spokespersons.  

Below is a summary of their respective objectives, skills and history.

(Information will be updated when new positions are confirmed)

Trump

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Donald Trump

Name:
Donald Trump

Job title:
President

Remit:
Enrich himself, his family and his financial gangster friends at US tax-payers’ expense.

Special skills:
Incoherent oratory as distraction technique.
Confidence trickster.
Bereft of obstructive self-awareness and of time-consuming humanity.

Key points from CV:
Nurtured by racists.
Tax-dodger.
Bill avoider.
Multi-million dollar international debts.
Fake university.
Supporter of sexual assaults against women.
Vulgar pseudo-opulence.

Bannon

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Steve Bannon

Name:
Steve Bannon

Job title:
Special adviser to the president

Remit:
Guide the president toward enacting laws that promote and enable far-right prejudices infused with extreme antiquated Christian fundamentalism and a focus on targeting Islam.

Special skills:
Absence of reason ensures that didacticism never interrupts his thought-processes.
Not distracted by “checks and balances” in government, or the law.

Key points from CV:
Co-founder of far-right racist news website Breitbart.
Former vice-president of international financial gangsters Goldman Sachs.
Financial backer, producer (and occasionally “director”) of absurd pretend documentary films about conservative politicians.

Pence

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Mike Pence

Name:
Mike Pence

Job title:
Vice President

Remit:
Stage 1 (As vice-president)
Absolve the corporate world of blame for climate change.
Encourage the removal of workers’ rights.
Promote anti-Islam ideology.
Wait for Donald Trump to trip up and then assume the presidency and impose a Christian supremacist government assisted by his friend Erik Prince.

Stage 2 (As president)
Removal of Roe vs. Wade from US constitution, funerals for foetuses and criminalisation of abortion.
Gay conversion therapy.

Special skills:
Waiting.

Key points from CV:
Close relationship (as a fully paid gimp) with extreme Christian supremacist Eric Prince who owned the private mercenary death squad militia Blackwater.
(Click on Pence career for a balanced preçis of Pence’s career)
(Click on Pence manifesto for Pence’s manifesto when standing for Congress)

Tillerson

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Rex Tillerson (left) and associate

Name:
Rex Tillerson

Job title:
Secretary of State

Remit:
Protect and expand the profits of international oil companies at the expense of US tax-payers and of the environment; he is particularly interested in his almost 250 million dollars of stock in Exxon.

Special skills:
Professional relationships with fellow exploitative oil companies and their associated financial gangsters in Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Bahrain and Russia.
Experience of side-stepping US and international laws that protect the environment, water supplies and indigenous lands.

Key points from CV:
Received Order of Friendship from Vladimir Putin.

Mattis

JamesMattis
James Mattis

Name:
James Mattis

Job title:
Defence Secretary

Remit:
Translate Trump’s clumsy, provocative and threatening pro-war rhetoric into slightly less incoherent, provocative and threatening pro-war rhetoric..
Follow all Trump’s military orders without due diligence regardless of how stupid or barbaric or counter-productive or pointless or inhumane they are.

Special skills:
Poorly acted persona that essays (and fails to be) sinister.

Key points from CV:
Ordered a US military attack on a wedding in Mukaradeeb, Iraq in 2004 that killed forty-two civilians; after the attack, he claimed it wasn’t a wedding because no evidence had been found afterwards, despite being aware of clear physical evidence found after the attack proving that it was a wedding.
Up until immediately before his appointment as Defence Secretary, Mattis was on the “board of counsellors” of blood testing company Theranos despite the company being embroiled in a plethora of investigations into its financial behaviour and dishonesty.  (Click on Theranos summary)

Sessions

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Jeff Sessions

Name:
Jeff Sessions

Job title:
Attorney General

Remit:
Destroy freedoms with respect to protests and demonstrations.
Encourage and enable police forces and border force to operate racist policies.
Remove legal access to challenge state violence, corruption and theft.
Voter suppression guided by racism.

Special skills:
Racism.

Key points from CV:
(Click on Sessions Career for an exhaustive list of his achievements)
Denied a federal judgeship in the Southern District of Alabama in 1985 after having been nominated by then president Reagan; Sessions was declared to be too racist for the role.

Kelly

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John Kelly

Name:
John Kelly

Job title:
(Secretary of Homeland Security until July 2017.)
White House Chief Of Staff.

Remit:
Rabble-rousing rhetoric bereft of factual assessment including the promotion of a (false) argument for military invasion of other countries to stop immigration.

Special skills:
The only national border he recognises is the US border.
The only laws he recognises are US laws, and only in the US.
International law, including the Geneva Convention, are anathema to Kelly.

Key points from CV:
Former head of US Southern Command which includes the control of the illegal Guantanamo Bay detention of prisoners; he fully supports the illegal detention and the absence of human rights.

Gorka

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Sebastian Gorka

Name:
Sebastian Gorka

Job title:
Adviser to the president

Remit:
Promote an unrestricted assault on Islam both ideologically and militarily.
Constant attacks on the mainstream media by relentlessly questioning validity of investigative reporting while simultaneously brazenly repeating blatant lies from Trump and senior government members.

Special skills:
Self-ingrained deductive (il)logic that is impervious to reasoned argument.

Key points from CV:
(Click on Gorka summary for an account of his career)
Wore a medal at Trump’s inauguration (photo above) that had been awarded to Gorka’s father – a spy for a foreign government – by anti-Semite Nazi collaborators Vitezi Rend.

Davos

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Betsy Davos

Name:
Betsy Davos

Job title:
Secretary of Education

Remit:
Destroy public education and replace it with profiteering (and wholly inadequate) ‘charter schools’ and with extreme Christian schools that have an anti-gay philosophy.

Special skills:
Endless supply of cash to enable her to continue to buy influence, senior administrative posts and power.
Full ignorance of the extent of her ignorance about education.

Key points from CV:
Long standing vice president of her family’s Prince Foundation Trust which has funded ‘gay cure therapy’ via the far-right Focus On The Family organisation.
Recipient of inherited billions that she has used to buy power and influence.
Brother of Eric Prince who owned private mercenary death squad militia Blackwater.

Mnuchin

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Steve Mnuchin

Name:
Steve Mnuchin

Job title:
Secretary to the Treasury

Remit:
Enable financial gangsters to operate more recklessly and viciously without fear of regulation.

Special skills:
Experience of dodging regulations that exist to dampen financial terrorism.

Key points from CV:
Made huge profits out of “buying” debt-ridden banks.
Registered various hedge funds in tax havens.
Stole property and made people homeless via aggressive foreclosures.
Executive producer of some awful films.

Ross

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Wilbur Ross

Name:
Wilbur Ross

Job title:
Secretary of Commerce

Remit:
Advise and assist vulture capitalists to fleece the public and to avoid sanction from regulatory bodies including the courts.

Special skills:
Experience of extreme vulture capitalism and of manipulation of regulations and commerce law.

Key points from CV:
As a bankruptcy protection adviser, Ross concocted a dodgy deal to protect Donald Trump’s ownership of some casinos following one of Trump’s bankruptcies.
Made hundreds of millions out of vulture investments during the international market crash at the beginning of the twenty-first century.
Fined over eighty million dollars in 2014 for breaching regulations when two companies he owned merged.
Twelve miners died in an explosion in a mine owned by Ross in 2006; in the year prior to the explosion the same mine had received over two hundred regulatory citations, including twenty-one for build-up of toxic gases, and there had been twelve roof collapses.

Price

Tom Price
Tom Price

Name:
Tom Price

Job title:
Health Secretary

Remit:
Destroy affordable healthcare.

Special skills:
Recognising good investments in private healthcare companies via his knowledge of government use of such companies.

Key points from CV:
Owns $300,000 of stocks in private healthcare companies.

Pruitt

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Scott Pruitt

Name:
Scott Pruitt

Job title:
Environmental Protection Agency administrator

Remit:
Ensure that environmental protection never interferes with the profits of polluting companies.

Special skills:
Recognising the clear sequence of expected events from receiving a large cash donation to making a decision when in a position of power.

Key points from CV:
Former leader of Republican Attorneys General Association which has received over $4,000,000 from fossil-fuel companies since 2013.
When he was Oklahoma’s attorney general he attempted to sue the Environmental Protection Agency on fourteen separate occasions, acting on behalf of various polluters.
He applied his signature (as attorney general) to documents that were written by polluters in dispute with the Environmental Protection Agency to create the fraudulent impression that said documents were composed by the attorney general.
(Click on Pruitt emails for full details of Pruitt’s correspondence with polluters that exposes his corruption)
(Click on Chicken pollution for an account of the chicken waste polluters debacle)

Zinke

RyanZinke

Name:
Ryan Zinke

Job title:
Secretary of the Interior

Remit:
Ensure that the profits of fossil fuel companies and large-scale polluters are always prioritised over any interest in protecting the environmental, clean water supplies and American’s beautiful national parks.

Special skills:
Acting out scenes from ‘City Slickers.’

Key points from CV:
Supported termination of employment for workers whose contraception choices elicited disapproval from their respective employers.
Made false claim that fetuses feel pain.
Made false claim that volcanoes produce more carbon dioxide than man-made emissions.

Miller

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Stephen Miller

Name:
Stephen Miller

Job title:
Senior policy adviser to the president

Remit:
Keep anti-foreigner and racist intent as a key factor in the government’s policies.

Special skills:
Unwavering, dead-eyed focus that eschews humanity, reason, intellect, self-inspection and shame.

Key points from CV:
Worked for Jeff Sessions when the latter was an Alabama senator.
(Click on Miller’s schooldays for an account of Miller’s early years as an extremist and provocateur)

(Ivanka) Trump

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Ivanka Trump and her products

Name:
Ivanka Trump

Job title:
Assistant to the president

Remit:
Attend major meetings alongside the president to retain high international visibility as the face of her businesses.

Special skills:
She is the daughter of the president.

Key points from CV:
She is the daughter of the president.

 

Spicer (resigned)

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Sean Spicer

Name:
Sean Spicer

Job title:
(Former) White House Press Secretary

Remit:
Deflect all criticism of the president without using coherent arguments.
Perform random pantomime outbursts against the media to distract the public from valid criticism of the president.

Special skills:
Quantum communication: He uses words and he uses sentences, but never simultaneously.

Key points from CV:
He co-founded a PR firm, Endeavor Global Strategies, that represented the government of Colombia in trade deal negotiations with the USA.

 

Top Trumps: Handy guide to the Trump swamp