New Tory leader?

(Update May 24th 2019: Theresa May announced today that she will resign as Prime Minister on June 7th)

Not for the first time, bubble gossipers claim Theresa May is about to lose her job as Tory leader and prime minister. 

Let’s have a look at some of the possible candidates to replace her.

Same tired faces

  • Michael Gove – Slimy, untrustworthy, obedient to anyone who pays him enough
  • Boris Johnson – Thick, duplicitous, racist, professionally and personally venal
  • Philip Hammond – Has hung around pointlessly for ages as if people have forgotten he is there
  • David Davis – Too stupid to be aware of what is happening
  • Jeremy Hunt – Gimp of vulture privateer health assassins, currently wandering about dimly as Foreign Secretary

Ambitious rising damp

  • Gavin Williamson – Eager to please the arms dealer moneymen, mistakes rudeness and petulance for leadership
  • Priti Patel – Would take a selfie while stabbing a trusting colleague in the back
  • Dominic Raab – Robotic servant of wealth terrorists
  • Liz Truss – Would continue to keep pushing a door that said ‘pull’ because pushing was the plan and no logic will persuade her otherwise, pork markets
  • Esther McVey – Cruel, vindictive and shameless
  • Sajid Javid – Banking industry plant who views the entire population of the world as tools to enrich financial gangsters
  • Rory Stewart – The sandwalker, fake ‘moderate,’ Etonian
  • Jacob Rees-Mogg – Unwitted, pseudo-pompous, ignorant, rabble-rousing Etonian swindler
  • Andrea Leadsom – Weird, unprincipled, has ambition that is diametrically opposed to the quality of her intellectual skill-set

Third division

  • Brendan Lewis – Swiss Tony’s evil twin riddled with unearned smugness and joy at the destruction the Tories have caused
  • James Cleverly – Oxymoronically the opposite of nominative determinism, relentless liar
  • Penny Mordant – Views mass starvation and victims of war as opportunities for financial gangsters to profit 
  • Kwasi Kwarteng – Etonian astroturfer
  • Johnny Mercer – Fanboy of Social Murder including its effects on military veterans, multi-jobber, whinger
  • Chris Grayling – Repeated failure at everything he has ever tried, sued by Peter Principle for defamation of character

Unlikely, but might be keen

  • Ken Clarke – Still alive, obdurately contrary
  • Ruth Davidson – Entirely hollow, cannot maintain a consistent view for more than a few seconds, very ordinary, banal, dull, nothing
  • Shaun Bailey – The reincarnation of Mary Whitehouse
  • Iain Duncan-Smith – Gleeful architect of Social Murder policy via Centre For Social Justice, former Tory leader
Candidates assemble

Who has the guts to stand as a candidate to be Tory leader?  Who would be sufficiently popular among Tory MPs?  Who do the no-deal Brexit disaster capitalists favour?

For established ministers or former ministers, the boldness needed to declare as a candidate would exist only if there was clear backing from some MPs.  Jeremy Hunt, Sajid Javid and Dominic Raab are the most likely current (or former) ministers to have sufficient pre-election backing.

For other potential candidates, the decision to declare candidacy would be informed by misplaced arrogance and a desire to be momentarily more famous.  Therefore, the most likely contenders are James Cleverley, Johnny Mercer and Esther McVey.

Disaster capitalists would prefer Jacob Rees-Mogg, Michael Gove, Dominic Raab or Priti Patel.

Boris Johnson has no support.

The most likely scenario is that Theresa May will continue as leader of the Tories and as prime minister, dancing rhythmlessly.

Blogs on some of the above candidates
Shaun Bailey
Ruth Davidson
Sajid Javid
Johnny Mercer
Priti Patel
Dominic Raab
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Gavin Williamson

New Tory leader?

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