Political glossary

A

absoc n. Centrist politician, activist or journalist who opportunistically supports any political viewpoint or action in order to oppose socialism; acronym of ‘anything but socialism’
absoc v. i. Support any political view or act that opposes socialism
abstain v. i. Fail to vote due to indifference or cowardice
all party parliamentary group (APPG) n. Externally funded group of MPs and peers that acts as an invasive think-tank inside parliament
alt-right adj. Violently racist and sexist, relentlessly dishonest, anti-society, anti-humanity
anti-Semitism n. Prejudice against someone based on their Jewish faith or Jewish heritage
arms industry n. International welfare system that provides a steady torrent of cash from tax payers to corporate claimants
assassination n. Execution of a political opponent

B

bitterite n. Dismissive name for a Blairite
Blairite n. Labour Party supporter who favours the political perspective of former prime minister Tony Blair
brexcrement n. Malodorous ordure of incoherent, obfuscating and offensive drivel spoken by some supporters of Brexit, stupid plans for Brexit and damaging consequences of Brexit (c. Gavin Esler)
brexifter n. Blend of ‘brexit’ and ‘grifter,’ someone whose contribution to the process of Brexit or their commentary on it exists because it is a source of income
brexodus n. Departure of British-based businesses to other countries due to financial concerns resulting from Brexit
brexit n. Departure of the UK from the European Union
bubble n. Self-encased group of politicians and/or professional journalists
bung n. Donation to a politician to pay for bias in favour of the donor

C

cancel culture n. Deceptive phrase used by far-right screaming heads to describe obliteration of their political views conducted by opponents with greater knowledge, deductive reasoning and consistency
cancelled adj. Subjected to sustained and erudite criticism that obliterates a political view, normally applied to far-right screaming heads after their vacuous arguments were destroyed
capitalism n. Economic system that concentrates wealth in the hands of a small exploitative minority
centre-left adj. Meaningless description self-prepended by centrists to exaggerate their attempt to hide their Conservative politics
centre-right adj. Meaningless description self-prepended by some Conservatives as a deception to falsely differentiate them from other Conservatives
centrist n. Someone who pretends to occupy the dimensionless vacuum at the imaginary centre of the political spectrum as a ruse to con people that she or he is not a Conservative
centrist dad n. Male centrist who opines from a supercilious perspective with peremptory denigration of defined ideologies
checks and balances n. see ‘legacy obstacles’
chope v. i. Act against humanity and decency
client journalist n. Journalist who perceives her or his job as stenography and as supportive of politicians’ perspectives in exchange for access that assists the former’s career development
clusterbùrach n. Chaotic mess in politics due to bad and contradictory decisions (c. Hannah Bardell)
columbus v. tr. Discover something that already exists or isn’t new with the intent of appropriation or theft
columnist n. Blogger who gets paid
comms expert n. Professional con artist who advises politicians how to misrepresent, obfuscate and distract
communism n. Non-democratic system of government that maintains socialism
conservative n. Someone who supports free market democracy and opposes liberal values
Conservative n. Member or supporter of the Conservative Party
constitution n. Historical system of rules for government
consultancy post n. Fake part-time job for an MP or peer in exchange for political actions that favour the employer
coup n. Unconventional and unconstitutional removal of a government
crossbench peer n. Unelected parliamentarian who pretends to have no political views
cultural Marxism n. Meaningless phrase used by far-right politicians and activists as a negative description of liberal values

D

dead cat n. Tactical distraction technique to suppress troublesome news
democracy n. System of government that includes universal suffrage
destatuation n. Early phase of a revolution characterised by removal of statues of political figures (c. @LibyaLiberty)
dionanistic adj. Mutually and closely supportive, conspiratorial and mutually beneficial
disaster capitalist n. Capitalist who uses countries with collapsing economies as opportunities to steal public infrastructure
dox v. t. Reveal identity and personal details publicly without the permission of the doxee, used as a tool of censorship and suppression
duonanistic adj. Applied to two people or two institutions, mutually and closely supportive, conspiratorial and mutually beneficial

E

execution n. Planned killing
Eton n. Secretly funded educational machine that creates obedient servants of extreme free-market ideology for insertion in government, judiciary, military and media

F

fake news n. Invented stories and false data published deceptively as true and accurate and seen most often in newspapers owned by tax avoiders Desmond, Murdoch, Rothermere and Barclay brothers and in Conservative Party press releases
fascism n. Non-democratic system of government that maintains absolute power for capiatlists
feigndignation n. Fake indignation, used to alter the direction of an argument (c. David Whittam)
feuille-morte adj. 1. Colours of dead leaves in autumn; 2. Decayed and discredited beyond repair when applied to a political movement or ideology
filibuster v. i. Deliberately speak long enough in a parliamentary debate to prevent a vote
flag nonce n. Self-declared patriot whose political activism starts and ends with vacuous symbolism that is used to justify strident criticism of the less symbolically patriotic
flag shagger n. Experienced flag nonce
free market n. Economic system designed to enable concentration of wealth
free speech n. 1. Uncensored and unrestricted political opinion; 2. Deceptive excuse to allow public platforms for fraudulent far-right rabble-rousing by charlatans

G

gammon n. Middle-aged white overweight balding Englishman who expresses right-wing views angrily causing his face to redden (c. Charles Dickens)
gig economy n. Deceptive name for low paid, insecure, unsafe, unregulated employment with no statutory rights
gimp n. Capitalist’s employee in government
grassroots adj. 1. Created by members of the public outside of the political bubble but applied to a political organisation; 2. Purposefully deceptive description of an astroturfing branch of PR for extreme free-marketeering
grifter n. Someone who makes a living from fake political activism
grommunism n. Green communism
grown-up n. Ineffective centre-right politician bereft of vision, independent thought and analytical prowess

H

hack n. Political journalist whose work prioritises quantity over quality and soundbite over analysis
head of state n. Venal protector of vested interests and a legacy obstacle
herbert n. Fonctionnaire with limited patterns of thought (c. Dorothy Fontana)
hereditary peer n. Unelected parliamentarian whose ancestor stole some land
honk n. see ‘wall’
hyperbollocks n. Exaggerated and absurd extrapolation of a (possibly spurious) political assertion

I

ideology n. Consistent and bounded political perspective
immigrant n. Someone who has moved to a country from another country

J

jackson n. Retort
jolly n. Jaunt by politicians that has no worth to their constituents and is a combination of a holiday for the politicians and a marketing stunt for the host

K

Kafkaesque adj. Purposefully confusing, deceptive, fraudulent and extremely unhelpful when applied to behaviour of a state administrative body

L

legacy obstacles n. Features of the structure of a system of government that hamper revolutionary change
liberal n. Middle-class person who supports personal freedom for middle-class people
libertarian adj. Anti-society, reckless, violently selfish and infused with gleeful provocation and deliberate prejudices
libertaryan adj. see ‘libertarian.’  Blend of ‘libertarian’ and ‘aryan’ (c. Gunther Bett)
libperialism n. Imperialism promoted by liberals (c. @JonTheEgg)

M

Marxist n. Someone who agrees with Karl Marx’s analyses, conclusions and proposals
media poutlet n. Media outlet (TV, radio, newspaper or online news site) that favours obsequiousness toward governments
meff n. Lumpen-headed ignoramous
melt n. Centrist who is disproportionately critical of left-wing politics
mercenary n. Member of a capitalist’s private army
Millennial n. Someone who reached adulthood after 31st December 1999
minister of state n. Head of a government department, normally an MP, who is ignorant of any details of the department’s associated public service
moderate n. see ‘centrist’
modus legati n. Style of analysis, reasoning and exposition popular with hard-right political think tanks, with literal meaning of ‘mode of envoyance’ and a play on words of Legatum Institute
monarch n. Unelected head of state and a descendant of thieves and murderers

N

national/nation’s interest n. Financial benefit for elite with whom wealth is concentrated.  Usually preceded by ‘in the.’
nationalism n. Support for a country’s independence or for autonomy for a region of a country
national security n. Meaningless phrase used by government as a tool to bypass human rights
nominative indeterminism n. Lack of connection between someone’s name, usually surname, and their profession or an aspect of their personality

O

oligarch n. Capitalist who acquired huge wealth via theft of public infrastructure in Russia immediately after the end of the Soviet Union
orange order n. Gang of racist sectarian bigots with an invented history
Overton Window n. Breadth of political views that are not considered extreme in a particular country and at a particular time (c. Joseph Overton)

P

Pasokification n. Inevitable decline of fake left political parties and replacement by socialist parties
patriotism n. Spurious emotional attachment to a country that engenders the absurd belief that the residents of said country are better than those in other countries
peer n. Unelected British parliamentarian and a legacy obstacle
philanthropist n. Someone who uses a small fraction of their huge wealth, accumulated by exploiting workers, polluting the environment and avoiding taxes, in order to manufacture photo opportunities with people and places that were destroyed by their greed (c. Lee Camp)
pleb n. Derogatory name for someone with a normal job and who had a normal education
plebiscite n. Public vote that exists because a government is too weak and cowardly to decide what to do on an important issue
political correctness n. Conscious avoidance of using prejudice and bigotry
politically homeless adj. Bereft of coherent political viewpoint, adrift in the vacuous centre
populist adj. 1. Far right; 2. Used derogatively to describe a left-wing politician or left-wing political view
privateer n. 1. Capitalist profiting from a vital public service; 2. Pirate
privatisation n. Gift of a vital public service to wealthy exploiter
professional troll n. Political journalist who is paid to write in the style of and with the lack of substance of an internet troll
public services n. Necessary infrastructure for society
push statement n. Single-sentence deceptive statement that masquerades as analysis or observation but is intended to propagate a perspective

Q

quammon n. Vegetarian gammon
quango n. Administrative body created to act as a barrier protecting a government and as a tool to bypass regulations and law

R

racism n. Prejudice against someone based on their race or heritage
referendum n. Plebiscite that can alter a constitution
reform v. t. Reduce (public services, legal rights, access to democracy, etc.)
remainer n. Someone who wants the UK to remain in the European Union
remoaner n. Derogatory name for a remainer who frequently expresses opposition to brexit
renationalise v. t. see ‘unprivatise’
revolution n. Change of government that includes a significant change of ideology
run of the melt adj. Adequate but unimpressive, applied to the talent of a melt working in the arts or show business
run-of-the-melt n. Melt in show business or arts with adequate talent

S

screaming head n. Radio, TV, or online broadcaster who promotes a (usually right-wing) political perspective with focus on loudness and stupidity while eschewing accuracy, truth, reason, logic and consistency
sectarian adj. Prejudicial against people because of their religious beliefs
secular adj. Free of religious interference
select committee hearing n. Televised improvised theatre where MPs and peers pretend to be Jeremy Paxman
shell company n. Fake business used to facilitate tax avoidance
slapp v. t. Issue a SLAPP
slappped adj. In receipt of a SLAPP
smear n. False criticism intended to defame the recipient; a dead cat
social democracy n. Democratic system of government that favours socialism over capitalism
socialism n. System of government that prevents concentration of capital and financial exploitation
social media n. International online discussion forum that can be free from state control
social murder n. Government economic policy designed to destroy lives
sourcier n. Creator and user of sources as a ruse to support a political agenda while assuming false distance from propaganda
stock exchange n. Predominantly automated and rapid exchange of part-ownership of businesses that operates to increase unearned wealth and to try to isolate its participants from societal consequences of their actions
strategic lawsuit against public participation (SLAPP) n. Meritless and expensive lawsuit with a single objective of silencing valid criticism
stupidee n. A stupid person whose stupidity (natural or nurtured) has destroyed their shame, self-awareness, self-analysis and deductive capabilities
supreme court n. Pseudo legal invention created as a legacy obstacle

T

tax avoidance n. Manipulation of cross border taxation laws with the assistance of government
tax haven n. Territory that has been developed by its and other governments as a vessel for tax avoidance
terrorism n. Violent and often fatal attacks on civilians with the aim of putting pressure on a government
think-tank n. Venal gang of professional speakers and writers who pressurise government for support for policies that benefit the think-tank’s financial donors
Tory n. Conservative, derived from tōraidhe, the Irish word for robber
trade union n. Worker-funded organisation that protects and improves workers’ job security, pay and working conditions

U

Ulster n. Nine northern counties of Ireland, three in Republic of Ireland and all six counties in Northern Ireland
unionist n. Someone who pretends that their bigotry, prejudices and sectarianism are driven by a political belief in maintaining the existence of the United Kingdom
unparliamentary language n. Assertive language in parliament that is censored by parliamentary rules to restrict criticism
unprivatise v. t. Remove privateers from a public service
Unwin Window n. Breadth of political gibberish that is accepted as open to intelligent analysis and debate

V

W

wall n. Collective noun for gammon
war n. Military conflict driven by greed of competing capitalists
wealth terrorism n. Destruction of lives, livelihoods and public services by financial racketeers
Woking pizza n. Male description of his sexual relationship with a much younger (possibly minor) woman

X

xenophobia n. Unjustifiable and irrational fear of anyone or anything foreign

Y

yes-platform v. t. Intentionally provide a public platform for a specific point of view or ideology

Z

zero hours job n. Job with no guaranteed wage and no overtime, holiday or sickness pay

Political glossary