UKIP is a raggedy concoction of the dregs and peripherals of society. Its activists, councillors, MPs, MEPs, parliamentary and council candidates, and chairpersons of various propaganda subgroups are easily categorised by a finite list of types.
1) Tory careerists
Only a few MPs in the Tory party are able to acquire senior positions that lead to political celebrity and visibility, that subsequently lead to lucrative post-political career consultancy posts. If a careerist wants to make the most dosh out of her or his election as an MP then occasional garbled nonsense from the backbenches is insufficient.
Reckless and Carswell had made little impact as Tory MPs; both were lost within the twitching blob several rows behind Cameron. Reckless’ main claim to fame was his inability to open a door due to drunkenness. In UKIP, both are out front, grinning stupidly next to Farage as if he and they have farted simultaneously, slobbering media jostling around them. Since sliding over to UKIP Reckless and Carswell have commented extensively and randomly on a variety of issues, receiving exponentially more coverage of their unthought, inconsistent, incoherent, contradictory drivel than they would have done as background facelessness in the Tory ranks. To them, it is irrelevant what they are saying, or, indeed, whether what they say matches any UKIP policy, if such exist; all that matters is that they are now visible as political celebrities.
Some councillors have also moved to UKIP, usually because they were unable to get any power from the Tory party group on the council.
2) Bitter old gits
Adrift in an ever-changing world, rejected by most of humanity, flaccid, confused, debilitated by lumbago, coughing-up phlegm, worried by modern clothing, angered by the intellect of others, these bitter, twisted, paranoid, frothing old gits need to blame. Blaming themselves or the inequities of the capitalist system are unacceptable options for these anti-revolutionaries. It must be the ‘other’ who is blamed, whether the other is foreign, darker-skinned, gay, young, muslim, unemployed or any other spuriously pigeon-holed section of society.
UKIP welcomes such anti-social twerps like a handkerchief welcoming a coughing fit. “Come join us. You are at home here. We understand your angst.” Some of these teeth-grinders get elected.
3) Slimy young opportunists
To pursue a career in politics one can work assiduously through a party mechanism, rely on one’s intelligence and insight to enhance society with a new revolutionary option, or be an opportunist slimeball who grabs onto any passing stupidity. UKIP is the ideal vehicle for the third option.
Young Independence (YI), UKIP’s youth chapter, is peopled with identikit charmless little salesmen and marketing men who forego any pretence of political knowledge, of sense, of coherence and of self-awareness. They promote the party like a cash-only dealer selling some dodgy goods that he knows nothing about and doesn’t care whether they work. YI members’ focus is the relentlessness of the marketing of UKIP. Analysis, debate, consistency and responsibility are not required. They spout the same garbled mantras daily, and shamelessly deny every criticism of UKIP regardless of the criticism’s truth.
Very few of these charlatans will remain in politics for long. Careers in the sale of imaginary bonds and derivatives await some of them, the rest will try to sell used turds as a foodstuff.
A diminishing section of UKIP as the party seeks to cast off the more openly eccentric ones whose actions and monologues have a tendency to lead to unhelpful media attention. Godfrey Bloom’s nasty sexism and an assault on broadcaster Michael Crick led to his (semi-) expulsion, but there are still plenty of sideshows to keep people entertained.
By UKIP logic, at the home of the SAS in Hereford it makes sense to have a parliamentary candidate who was a member of the SAS. Nigel Ely, however, is more famous for being arrested by police because he stole part of Saddam Hussein’s buttock. Winston McKenzie is a never-ending source of bafflement to the sentient public. He has flitted from party to party seeking political celebrity, settling at UKIP as he satisfies the party’s need for a pretence at diversity. His tour de force was a hastily arranged and even more quickly cancelled carnival in Croydon. No-one informed the steel band that the event was for UKIP; when they found out they refused to play. Enfield North is the constituency in London that will have the pleasure of Neville Watson as a candidate. Watson is upbeat; on his website he exclaims: “The longer I live, the more I have come to realise the impact of attitude on my life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill because the past, than education, than facts, it is more important than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill because….” He typed all that in upper case and there are two more paragraphs. Tom Fowdy, YI chairman for Wearside and council election candidate, shares Watson’s evangelicalism and his preference for quantity over quality regarding written opinions. Fowdy’s blogs about UKIP go on forever without ever making any point, without ever revealing even a smidgeon of political understanding and infused with a grumbling air of indignation that anyone could ever disagree, so much so that he almost always concludes that he and UKIP are victims.
5) My mate is a dodgy lawyer
Many people have encountered the aggressive attempt at shutdown from UKIPs where one of them threatens legal action, that is, a threat to sue, that is, a threat to extract monies. These threats almost always follow a critical but accurate comment about UKIP or about one of its activists, because the commented upon fact is something that UKIP would like not to be exposed and debated.
Prospective parliamentary candidate for Stockton North, Mandy Boylett, lost the plot completely when an opponent for election stated, rightfully so, that he would make clear, during the electioneering, UKIP’s partnership with a Holocaust-denying political party in the EU parliament . (I discussed this episode in Ukip, Smears And Facts: A Case Study.) Veterinary surgeon Ryan Waters takes his head out of a cow’s arse regularly to bang on about how much he hates Islam and also to repeat his dumb mantra “prove it” whenever anyone dares to quote an exact fact about UKIP, but any mild criticism of him gets a threat.
The appalling behaviour of Councillors Richard Hilton and Peter Reeve is described in Ukip’s Mockery Of Free Speech. Donna Edmunds, pictured above with her best mate Roger Helmer, the apologist for rape, thinks that if anyone mentions Helmer’s published comments about rape then it’s time for a lawyer to get involved.