“Lord” Seb Coe, former successful athlete and former failed politician, is an amazing guy. Here are five reasons why he is so wonderful.
Alongside his Tory mate Boris I’m-Bonkers-Me Johnson, Seb Coe has kindly allowed plucky East End tearaways David Gold and David Sullivan to move their football club to the tax-payer funded Olympic stadium. There, these two stalwarts of back alley pornography will be able to rake it while paying just a nominal amount of rent, and so much of the running costs at the stadium will be paid by the tax payer. West Ham’s chief exec has gone and got a peerage too! I doubt if Sullivan, when partying with the Krays in the 60s, ever thought he’d meet someone so generous.
2) He’s a lord
Seb Coe is a lord. Yes he is. This is not just a title to impress the world of business. Seb Coe actually goes to work, to the House of Lords, and does some actual work there. Yes he does. Indeed, only last week he popped in to vote on the tax credits bill and good old Seb made sure that the underpaid working people of Britain didn’t get any more free money. If underpaid hard-working people are getting desperately needed money to make up for offensively low wages then what’s next? Communism! What about all those offshore tax dodging millionaires? They must be protected, and Coe made sure they were.
3) He loves the English language
The English language is glorious. A long illustrious history and a massive expressive vocabulary. Seb Coe is here to protect it. Ask Linford Christie. Mr. Christie, an outstanding sprinter with the Olympic medals to prove it, had the audacity to speak to Coe beyond the normal beauty of the queen’s English: “I sat in one team meeting when he made himself deliberately unintelligible to all but those who had a passing knowledge of jive,” exclaimed an alarmed Coe. (Coe versus Christie) Oh poor Seb’s ears. And, there was nothing racist in Coe’s comment. No, no, nothing racist at all. Not racist. Definitely not.
4) Multi-tasker extraordinaire
Out of a sense of duty our lord Seb Coe has never been shy of doing promotional and PR work for various companies associated with his sport. Indeed, he has his fingers in so many pies that he had to call Jason Biggs for advice. Among his many “jobs” are “global advisor” for footwear manufacturer Nike. The athletics world championship in 2021 has been awarded to Eugene, USA, the home of Nike and its presence there is sure to be a huge benefit for this upcoming little company. Nike has already started to prepare: (Nike Running Eugene).
Another “job” shows how committed Coe is to maintaining business relationships over many years. Prior to the Olympics in London in 2012, he created, out of thin air, a “management consultancy” firm called Complete Leisure Group Limited. By chance, Complete Leisure Group Limited were given a shed full of cash-filled contracts for the tax payer funded Olympic games and then, after the games, it was “sold” to Chime Communications, a global “sport marketing” something or other, founded by Coe’s first crush Margaret Thatcher. (Daily Mail story). Did Coe abandon the work after collecting millions from this “sale”? No, of course not. Our Seb now works as a (very highly paid) consultant for Chime Communications and it is certain that this “company” will be at the front of the grabby hands queue when public money is being thrown about for marketing of major world sporting events. Be sure, there is not, and never has been, any conflict of interest between Coe’s hoovering up of millions of tax payers’ money via marketing companies and his status as a leading administrator in sport. He is just a hard-working loyal guy.
5) Begone those drug cheats!
Be clear: Seb Coe is more committed than anyone on this planet, or any planet, or any planet in any other dimension, or on any planets in any dimensions that existed before the big bang, or any worlds of the imagination to tackling the scourge of drug cheating in track and field athletics. He is a colossus of integrity. Throughout his seven years as vice-president of the IAAF, working with then president Lamine Diack – who has just been arrested by French police under suspicion of corruption and money laundering related to alleged payments to help with the cover-up of drug test failures, Seb Coe fought assiduously and consistently to ensure there were no drug cheats and that any who were caught were exposed; when a German TV programme revealed details of drug cheating and associated corruption, (the same facts that were later part of the result of an investigation by WADA), Coe’s utterly dismissive response at that time – (Give me a break) – in no way indicated complacency or a lessening of his absolute commitment to fighting drug cheating, and his PR visit to Russia after the revelations did not diminish Coe’s focused targetting of drug cheating and consequential corruption. It is his number one priority……